luni, 2 martie 2015

Growing really tired of waiting

I keep telling myself that one day I'll step out of the house and everything will be completely different.

Everyone that knows me might argue with that, for I'm not usually that eager to get out and check up on things. Well, we probably are the sum of our past experiences.

The problem is that sometimes I want and even need to see what's going on outside of my own bubble. Maybe see a new place, exchange some thoughts, establish a new connection, learn something, anything. Somebody's choice to show me a different perspective - that's the type of interaction that I have always cherished. And I've always tried to see and understand more and more of those perspectives.

One thing I learned over and over all through my adult life is that we're never really capable to really, truly, intimately and respectfully understand perspectives that are different from ours. In spite of all the-hard-way-accumulated-wisdom (that's always the case- some people would snicker), I always try to reason with myself on this particular matter, I always feel the need to convince myself that, no matter what, at least, let's say, 50 % can be understood and eventually respected, just as an opinion, just as a personal choice. A simple, rational understanding of sorts - let's agree to disagree type of convention.

Unlike the tiny tree in my previous post I really am a patient person. I'm that type of person that gives  people the time they need to search their ideas and souls, to grow, to do whatever they have to do in order to became exactly and completely what they need to become. And I even have patience when it comes to all the mistakes people make, whether those mistakes imply hurting some other people, or hurting me. Not that I'm Jesus and my "life work" is forgiving everybody and probably inviting them to heaven. I've just been there and it seems that I'm constantly exactly there - I've grown a lot and I'm still  doing it, I've made a lot of mistakes and I'm still making mistakes all the time. That's how I know and how I managed to accept  people's mistakes and my own and that's where my patience comes from.

Also, that's how I got to know my place and that actually means that, to me, each and every person walking the surface of the Earth right now knows and understands this particular matter exactly as I do, sometimes maybe even better than I do. Everything is alright wit the world, and with me, right?

Then I decide to walk out of the house and my whole world turns upside down. As much credit I give people, they just don't want to return some of that credit to me. I get it, there's no point in taking the road less traveled by, there's no point in having 7 billion persons with the exact profile of Joan Of Arc, all of them struggling even for the tiniest of changes, but hey, just think about it.

Is it really okay to live our entire life in that rectangular, constricted spot we were allotted at birth or at some point in our lives? Is conformity a real life choice? One that's eventually going to bring about at least some peace of mind? Are we really supposed to travel the same path over and over again, thinking in the same manner and reacting only between the borders of what's considered norm?

I would never fight against a YES-answer. But I'm not going to pretend that I'll be completely fond of it. It's that only 50% of my brain and soul can actually process it, we've established that. And just because I consider myself a regular person I keep thinking that everyone around me feels the same, and in the end, my 50% understanding can easily coexist with the 50% understanding coming from my neighbor, for example.

If so, then why do I keep on hearing those voices shouting at me to get back inside the rectangular and constricted spot I was allotted at birth or whatever? Why are those voices unable to give me that 50% percent understanding, just as I give them? And finally, why that 50% understanding that reaches me feels just like stones?

Whatever those answers might be, I can only assure you that I will make the effort to understand at least 50% of them. And if those answers only highlight the idea that my 50% understanding has to coexist with 50% stones, I will still make the effort to understand at least 50% of the entire concept.

I'm not a fan of math, not in the slightest degree, but I can't help but wondering what's going to happen, as 50% taken out of 50% will probably lead to another 50% taken out of  whatever's left.

Then what?

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